Over the years I’ve been in so many situations that have made me uncomfortable from strangers to people I know and I’ve found it really hard to call it out and when I have I’ve been dismissed. It really shouldn’t be that way but sadly it is. It is a joke.
We live in a world where most people have experienced some kind of sexual abuse and it is sad. Recently people have been opening up about their experience and it breaks my heart because it is way too common. What is worse is people tend to blame the victim and also do not seem to understand it isn’t just black and white rape that acts as sexual abuse. It is all the behaviours that lead up to that. It is part of the reason men don’t talk up the fact they were abused and women think no-one will believe them.
From my teens to my 20s I’ve received so many dick pics that I did not ask for. What is disgusting is if I call the person out they see it as me being rude. Idk what makes someone feel confident and comfortable with such behaviour but it is something I particularly didn’t need to see at the age of 15. Before I would just block and delete them now I tell them because it isn’t okay and it isn’t legal. What annoys me more is people tend to say that I shouldn’t have strangers on socials but it is also the boys that are friends of friends so…..
All my life I’ve been told I’m asking for it because of my appearance?? from my lips to my boobs to my clothes?? What logic makes someone think that.
I’ve had close friends feel like it is okay to keep touching my in ways I don’t want to be touched even after calling out so I just stopped calling it out because I gave up. I feel weak for giving up but it is exhausting. I could go on for hours about all the different forms of behaviour I’ve experienced from random groping to men in the street bending over to look up my skirt and confidently telling me I’m hot. I’ve also had 100 other experiences which I would just prefer not to bother mentioning but the reality is I’m not alone. Sexual abuse starts from such a young age of children being sexualised and it is so disgusting and scary and we just need to work towards being better. We need to stop just not saying anything when our friends make comments about others that aren’t okay or they tell you a story that doesn’t sit right with you because consent isn’t that complicated.
Some behaviours that aren’t okay
It starts as unsolicited sexual comments and jokes about rape.
It is the random nudes that NO-ONE asked for. Whatever your gender stop sending people images they didn’t ask for. I can’t even tell you how many people have sent me dick pics and I’m so sick of it.
It is the fact you feel it is okay to touch someone or continue trying to persue sexual contact even though they are uncomfortable
It is grabbing people in the club
It is thinking you are entitled to sex for any reasons e.g. due to being in a relationship
Behaviours that normalise sexual abuse – Presuming that it didn’t happen
But that was years ago – often people do not process abuse till years later, and your opinion is unnecessary. Learn to just support someone. Often we can think a situation wasn’t okay or just block it out because it is uncomfortable, maybe you were young and didn’t understand it or maybe you just stopped thinking about it but regardless how someone processes their experiences isn’t about you nor does it discredit that it happened.
Why didn’t you report?
Sexual abuse is hard enough and most of the time there isn’t enough evidence or/and the process of reporting is hard af. Talking about things is so hard and your reaction is what will determine whether they talk further.
“No I know them, they’d never do anything like that” rapists/abusers are people that seem normal, and often they believe that things were consensual & wouldn’t tell you if they didn’t.
Acting like women allow themselves to be raped
You shouldn’t dress that way – the way someone dresses is not an invitation for sexual content nor does it make it okay. I’m so sick of women being told don’t wear such short or tight clothes. Or men telling me that my outfit makes them want me so I shouldn’t wear it.
She shouldn’t have got drunk rather than he shouldn’t have done x, y and z. Intoxication doesn’t mean it was okay. If someone is drunk and you can see that how is about just not being sexual with them? Maybe he shouldn’t have got drunk, maybe he shouldn’t have touched her or raped her.
Don’t put yourself in situations like that or walk x, y and z or go out alone -> women shouldn’t have to prevent themselves being raped daily! All my life I’ve been told how I shouldn’t go to certain areas or walk after x, y and z and I’ll be honest I’ve always disagreed and done it anyway but why is it women are always taught how to prevent rape rather than people just being taught that they shouldn’t be sexual with someone if they do not want it and just be a decent human being??????
Yeah but you’re asking for it just look at them lips etc. I’ve heard so many disgusting things over the years -> YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO ANY KIND OF SEXUAL CONTACT no matter what someone does.